No matter our position or situation, life will throw challenges our way. These can either knock us off our stride and make us sulk, or be an opportunity to grow.

Depending on my attitude, the same situation can shift between the “this is a super annoying nuisance” category and the “ooh, this is an interesting challenge” category.

Without changing anything about the actual circumstance, only my perspective on it, I can shift from being resentful, to relishing it as an opportunity to challenge myself against it.

What makes the difference?

I find the key to this is to look at life as a fun and interesting challenge, where the goal of the game is to respond as well as I possibly can to each situation that comes up. Points are earned for good strategy, execution, self-control, and poise.

The Lay of the Land

Here are some of the common water-hazards we might encounter. Identified in advance, we can be better prepared to respond to them in an effective rather than reactive way.

• Challenging people. We have so many interactions with different people throughout the average week, there are bound to be some that prove challenging. Maybe it’s someone we consider is being unreasonable, provoking, or just plain annoying. All of these are opportunities for practice and improvement in how one plays their hand of life. The tricky part is remembering about this game in the heat of the moment. Remembering to step back and follow my strategic plans for these circumstances. But, when I can remind myself “Aha! Here’s another chance to practice and improve at this part of the game” then I can treat it as a fun challenge rather than a personal insult. Can I just let this person’s annoyances blow right through me, as if I was a screen door, and smile beneficently all the while? Solid win. Can I listen to them patiently and compassionately as they tell me their woes, but avoid taking their burdens onto myself? Solid win. Can I stop myself from responding when someone snaps at me, and instead just smile kindly? Solid win. In fact, this one is double points because it not only avoids getting back at someone, but it actively de-escalates the situation and, if successful, leaves everyone feeling better afterwards.
• Unexpected circumstances. Sometimes, for the avid planners among us, a logistical curveball can be one of the most challenging buffets to our poise. This can be something like a delayed bus or flight leading to cascading timing challenges, a vehicle breakdown, or a delayed or un-punctual team-member. Just like the Challenging People water hazard, when you can remember your goal of treating everything as practice, these situations can turn from annoying nuisance into valuable lesson module. Not to be shunned, but instead to be relished, studied, and responded to.
• No-win situations. Ick. These are more rare, but can be a doozie: unavoidable conflicts, clashing ideals, failed plans. One thing that can help is analyzing the situation thoroughly enough that you can come to the conclusion that it is indeed no-win. This can ease the burden of not being able to find a good solution, and let you redirect your energy to remaining calm, optimistic, and positive, even though things are actively going sideways. Once you know there’s nothing to be done about it, or that the ball is clearly not in your court, logic dictates that energy is better spent wiping up the mess, and making a note of how to do better next time, rather than fretting over the spilt-milk.

Methods

• Remembering It's a Game. In my experience, this is key. The simple act of remembering to approach the situation like a game can shift the perspective on it significantly. Maybe even pretending it’s a test, or a specific level/quest on some adventure-themed computer game, and that my goal is to calmly beat the challenge, proving my worthiness to move onto the next level.
• Focusing on My Sphere of Control. There are so many possible things that can be fretted over. I try to remember to strictly save my fretting for things that are actually in my court to address. This doesn't mean to turn a blind eye to everything else, or ignore the problems with the world around me, it just means to avoid getting all riled up about things I'm not actually going to be changing.
• Welcoming All Feedback. Welcoming all feedback, and even actively seeking it out, can be quite challenging, but also a terrific, advanced-level, tactic. It's easy to rebut feedback, or be defensive, finding fault with the opposing view, or writing it off as uneducated. This, however, wastes the opportunity to learn from the critical perspective. I try to remind myself that all feedback is valuable. No matter how critical it is, or how unwelcome. The more I can learn from the opposing views, the better I can learn to navigate them. Also, giving people the easy opportunity to voice their thoughts on my work has a double benefit: along with letting me learn from their perspective, it also gives them an easy opportunity to divest themselves of their thoughts on the topic in a (hopefully) constructive way, rather than holding them in and letting them fester, or possibly venting to other people.
• Letting the Chaos Swirl But Not Enter. Some situations seem to be unavoidably fraught with confusion and chaos. Sometimes overcoming at this kind of challenge requires being in-but-not-of the chaos that surrounds you. Again, this doesn't mean physically removing yourself from the situation, or shirking your duties, but simply doing the right thing, and whatever the situation calls for, to the very best of your abilities, without letting yourself get flapped and scattered by the flapping and scattered circumstance. In practical terms, this can mean:

• Avoiding raising my voice, even if the situation gets heated. I’ve found the single most effective way of getting others to quiet down is simply to speak softly myself.
• Avoiding running, or moving too quickly, and remembering that doing things with care and attention is generally the most efficient and best approach in the long-term, even if time is tight. Motion does not necessarily equate with progress, especially if someone is flustered.
• Resisting the urge to broadcast or externalize my tension or panic. If I’m stressed or tense about something, it’s easy to start taking it out on my surroundings, and broadcasting my anxiety – oversharing what I’m doing, how tight on time I am, et cetera. This really doesn’t help, in my experience, and only makes life less enjoyable for those around me, whose problem it isn’t, but who might get dragged into it, or be forced to participate in my tension vicariously, if I broadcast my lack of calm.
• Forgoing pointless badmouthing. A lot of airtime and psychic energy can get wasted on non-constructive complaining about other people. The more you avoid doing this, the more you’ll probably notice how much time other people spend doing it, and how annoying it is. I try to find a more interesting and useful topic to divert the conversation to instead, and practice my strategic segues :)
• Take Notes. Taking notes on situations, and things I’ve learned, is one of the best ways I’ve found to improve my responses to different circumstances, and try to remember what I’ve learned, and what to do differently the next time I find myself in a similar situation.

Conclusion

These are some of the things I try to remember when life throws challenges my way. I find they can help shift my perspective from reactionary or resentful, to one that’s more positive, constructive, and poised. I hope they might do the same for you.